Who I Used to Be Read online

  After three gallons of cherry goo had been swallowed up by the cake, I climbed off the ladder and looked down at myself. Miraculously, I’d managed to keep my shirt and black jeans frosting-free. “Nice to see you, Zachary,” Six said. “I like the new hairstyle.”

  “Thanks.” I’d recently cut my hair fairly short and dyed it back to my natural color, dark brown. To me, it just seemed ordinary, since before that, it had been black with a red streak.

  “I’m glad I found you,” he said as I discarded the empty bag and brushed my hands together. “Now I can unleash my master plan, which involves charming your socks off and then asking you out on a date.”

  Six had had a crush on me for a while, but I never knew what to do with that. I glanced up at the tall, slender blond, noting the designer sunglasses that he’d pushed to the top of his head, and said, “No offense, but I don’t make a habit of dating eighteen-year-olds.”

  “Lucky for me then that I turned nineteen months ago! I just haven’t seen you in ages, not since Jessie gave up street racing. So what do you say? Give an astonishingly mature nineteen-year-old a chance?”

  “I’m still five years older than you. That’ll never change.” I fidgeted under his steady gaze.

  “Hang on, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. I wasn’t going to ask you out straight away. Remember the part about me charming your socks off? Just spend some time with me today, and get to know me. We’re both here by ourselves, so why not team up and have a good time?” He looked so hopeful.

  “Who says I’m here by myself?” I was stalling because I didn’t know what else to do.

  “Jessie. I asked him if you were bringing a date. He totally approves of this, incidentally,” he said, pointing back and forth between us.

  I glanced up at him again and couldn’t help but notice the way his turquoise button-down shirt brought out his ice blue eyes. He was a handsome guy, and I was a bit tempted, even though I was sure it was a bad idea. “I don’t know, Six. I—”

  “Don’t say no yet. Please? And you can keep using my racing moniker if you’d like, but I should probably mention my real name’s Alastair. I can’t recall if I ever told you that.”

  River had just finished positioning a painted, white chocolate rainbow at the top of the volcano, and he bought me some time by announcing, “We’re all set.” He turned to me and said, “Zachary, could you go out and bring the grooms to the deck? I’ll wheel the cake out as soon as Nana and Kiki are ready.”

  “Sure thing.” I headed out the back door with Alastair on my heels.

  When I reached the newlyweds, I congratulated them and they both thanked me. Jessie gave me a hug and said, “Six was asking about you, I’m glad you two found each other.”

  Alastair grinned at me, and I told Jessie and Kai, “I’ve been sent to round you up, Nana wants to serve the cake before it falls apart. Have you seen it yet?”

  Jessie shook his head. “It was under a huge box when we were in the kitchen. Since Nana made it, I’m guessing it’s not a conventional cake.”

  “It’s definitely not,” I confirmed.

  “Should I find Izzy and blindfold her to save myself the cost of therapy?” Kai asked.

  “Believe it or not, it’s actually G-rated,” I said. “Odd for Nana, I know.” For reasons I couldn’t explain, things she made had a tendency to turn out decidedly phallic.

  As we made our way to the deck, I flagged down Chance, who was photographing the guests, and told him we were getting ready to cut the cake. His husband Finn went into cop mode and repeated that loudly, so everyone could hear. He sounded like he was doing crowd control at a rock concert.

  I tried to hang back, but Jessie put his arm around my shoulders and brought me up onto the deck with him. As soon as he let go of me and turned to his husband, I retreated to the railing. More and more people crowded onto the deck, and I found myself wedged up against Kai’s best friend, a huge, tattooed guy named Sawyer. He was in the Army and looked like a real badass, so when he smiled at me, it was a nice surprise and lit up his remarkable eyes, which were light blue ringed in sapphire.

  Alastair squeezed in beside me as Jessie called, “Where’s Izzy?”

  The little girl was standing on the DJ’s table, wearing a pair of yellow sunglasses and a backwards-facing red baseball cap, courtesy of the Score Boys. Taylor was acting as spotter to make sure she didn’t tumble off, and Izzy waved and yelled, “Hi! Save me a piece of cake!” Jessie smiled and flashed her a thumbs-up.

  A minute later, Ollie burst out the back door strumming a ukulele. He was followed by Nana and Kiki, who’d donned coconut bras and rainbow-colored grass skirts over pink leotards. The ladies were doing an approximation of a hula, which after a few moments basically turned into twerking. What they lacked in skill they more than made up for in enthusiasm.

  The leotards proved to be a damn good call when Nana’s coconut bra popped off a moment later. She yelled, “Oh hell, boobs on the loose,” before scooping it up and fastening it back in place.

  River and his friend Yoshi were next in the procession. They lifted the tray with the huge cake to clear the threshold, then carefully wheeled it across the deck. The crowd applauded as Jessie exclaimed, “Oh wow, that’s amazing! Thank you, Nana!”

  “Hang on, Sweet Pea, you haven’t seen the best part,” Nana told him as she hurried over to the cake. She flipped a switch and nothing happened, so she flipped it back and forth a few times.

  A low rumbling sound started emanating from somewhere deep inside the cake. It seemed intentional at first, since I could imagine a volcano producing a sound like that. The lava wasn’t flowing though, and after a few moments, the noise got a lot louder.

  Nana ducked down and took a look at the pump as a tremor went through the volcano. Somehow, that alerted Sawyer to what was about to happen, and he yelled, “Hit the deck!” He pulled me down with him, and a few people around us followed his instructions.

  A moment later the thing exploded, launching cake, frosting and cherry goop in all directions. It was over in a second. Nana straightened up and blinked at the cake crater that remained on the tray. A thin column of smoke rose from its center. She asked, “Now where the hell did that bastard go?” Then she looked around at the cake-covered crowd and said, “Oh, there it is.”

  Jessie and Kai had taken the biggest hit. They were totally covered in cake, and when they turned to look at each other, both of them burst out laughing. Jessie ran a fingertip over Kai’s chocolatey cheek and stuck it in his mouth, then said, “You taste great.”

  Kai licked his husband’s face and said, “So do you,” which made Jessie laugh all over again. They kissed each other as everyone cheered and applauded.

  Chance’s expensive camera had been shielded from the airborne edibles, since he’d been facing the couple and not the volcano. He didn’t miss a beat, snapping dozens of pictures of the chocolate-covered grooms while ignoring the fact that his back was cake-encrusted. Beside him, Jessie’s brother Jed, who’d also gotten thoroughly splattered, pulled off his encrusted glasses and exclaimed, “Best natural disaster cake ever!” When he pushed his blond hair off his forehead, it stood straight up.

  The Great Cake Explosion didn’t put a damper on the wedding. Just the opposite. The mood was even more festive after that. The family handed out towels and random articles of clothing, the people who’d gotten messy dealt with it, and the party went on. Meanwhile, Nana and Kiki grabbed some ice cream scoops and began serving the remaining cake in bowls. There was still plenty to go around, even just from the crater.

  “I’d better go wash up,” Alastair told me, after his attempts to get the frosting out of his dark blond hair with a towel proved less than successful. “Don’t run off on me.” He flashed me a smile before heading into the house.

  I turned to Sawyer and said, “That was quick thinking. I’m surprised you were able to anticipate the explosion when no one else did.”

  “It’s the result of two tours i
n Afghanistan. I learned to be jumpy.”

  “I can imagine. How long are you on leave?”

  He ran a hand over his dark hair, which was short on the sides and spiked up a bit on top. “Permanently. My commitment ended last month, and I decided not to reenlist.”

  “I hope you take a little time off. You’ve certainly earned it.”

  “I did. I spent four weeks traveling around the U.S., but now I need a plan. I’m back living with my dad, who dedicated his life to the military and wants to kill me for quitting, and I have no job prospects and no idea what I should be doing. I don’t even know why I came back to San Francisco. Most of my friends have moved on, and…shit. Why am I telling you all this? Sorry.”

  I offered him a little smile and said, “Sometimes it helps to talk about things, and venting to strangers is a pretty safe bet. We’re totally neutral, and if we give you unwanted advice, you don’t have to feel guilty about ignoring it.”

  That made him grin, too. “You’re alright, Zachary. Maybe we can grab a beer sometime. I could use a few more friends in this city, especially since Kai just up and got married with about two minutes’ notice. I think he’s going to be pretty distracted with his hot husband.” He gestured at his best friend, who was dancing with Jessie and serenading him in the middle of the lawn.

  Normally, I didn’t make friends easily, but there was something about Sawyer that put me at ease. Maybe it was the fact that he seemed kind of lost and was willing to let people see that, instead of hiding behind that tough-looking, muscular exterior. Besides, I’d heard good things about him from Kai, so I said, “I’d like that. I wait tables at a bar and grill called Nolan’s in the Richmond District. You should come by sometime.”

  “I will.”

  We chatted for a few more minutes, until Alastair reappeared. His hair was wet and slicked back, and he’d taken off his chocolate-covered shirt. That left him in just a white tank top, which showed off his toned, lean body. For just a moment, I thought I saw Sawyer checking him out.

  Alastair smiled at me and said, “I ended up sticking my head in the bathroom sink. That icing was tenacious!” He picked up my hand. “Now back to the wedding already in progress. Dance with me, Zachary. Let me impress you with my completely archaic skills. I’m far too uncoordinated for the modern stuff, but if the DJ plays a waltz, look out! You’re going to be begging for a date when you see me partying like it’s 1889.”

  That made me smile. “You don’t actually know how to waltz, do you?”

  “I do! My parents made sure to cram my childhood full of all manner of useless pursuits, including, but not limited to, ballroom dancing, fencing, and playing the violin. Now come on,” he said, tugging my hand. “Just one dance. Please?”

  “Are you planning to waltz to this?” The DJ was playing an upbeat song by Meghan Trainor. When he nodded, I said, “As much as I’d enjoy seeing that, there’s one problem: I don’t dance. At all. You know who you should ask? Taylor, that tall guy with purple hair who’s hanging out with the DJ. He’d totally be into it.”

  “Right, so I have to break out the big guns, do I? Shameless public begging it is, along with humiliating myself in front of your big, hunky new friend.” Alastair dropped onto one white denim-clad knee, and Sawyer glanced at me as my cheeks warmed. “Zachary Paleki, please dance with me, and go out with me next Friday night. Give a bloke a chance. What do you say?” Everyone in a ten-foot radius had stopped what they were doing to watch us, and I blushed ferociously as Alastair turned to our audience and said, “What do you think? Should Zachary go out with me?”

  People cheered and applauded, and someone called, “Say yes, Zac!”

  Wow. So embarrassing. I whispered, “Okay. Just please get up,” and Alastair leapt to his feet and whisked me off to the lawn, to more applause. I glanced over my shoulder at Sawyer, who grinned and gave me a little salute.

  Apparently Alastair had given the DJ a heads-up, because the pop song ended abruptly and a slow song started playing the moment we hit the makeshift dance floor. Alastair called, “Cheers, mate,” and Ash flashed us a smile and two thumbs up.

  We danced like a couple junior high kids at a chaperoned event, our bodies a few inches apart as we shuffled from foot to foot. Alastair draped his arms over my shoulders, and I rested my hands on his narrow waist and looked off to the left as he said, “Sorry, I know that was embarrassing. I won’t hold you to the date next Friday, since I know you said yes under duress. Thank you for dancing with me, though.”

  “Why me?” I asked quietly as I glanced at him. “I’m just this ordinary guy. I’ve never understood why you’re so determined to go out with me.”

  “Ordinary?” He shook his head. “You couldn’t be that if you tried, Zachary.” I dropped my gaze, and he added, “There’s something about you that drew me in right from the start, and maybe I’m deluded, but I think the attraction’s mutual.”

  I did find him attractive, but it also felt like we were from different planets. It was obvious that he came from a wealthy family. He wasn’t subtle about it, either, from his expensive clothes, to his perfect haircut, to the bundles of cash he’d sunk into the flashy, fire engine red Acura he raced on the weekends. What did a rich college kid want with a guy like me?

  When I looked up at him again, there was so much hope in his expression, and I felt guilty for constantly turning him down. I found myself saying, “I’m not working Friday night. Where would you like to meet?”

  His face lit up, and I thought, not for the first time, that he could pass for Benedict Cumberbatch’s younger, blonder brother, with his striking bone structure and those pale blue eyes. “You’re actually saying yes?” When I nodded, he said, “In that case, text me your address and I’ll pick you up at seven. We’ll make this a proper date.”

  “Let’s not go someplace fancy, okay?”

  “Alright, nothing fancy, but nice. I want to show you I’m not a typical nineteen-year-old, so we’ll be going someplace with tablecloths, as opposed to ordering a pizza and parking ourselves in front of the PS-4.”

  I grinned a little and told him, “Pizza and videogames sounds fun, actually.”

  “So we’ll save that for our fifth date, when I’m not trying quite so hard to impress you.”

  “Fifth? You seem convinced that this’ll go well.”

  “Oh, I am.”

  Instead of sharing his confidence, a knot of worry formed in my stomach. There was so much he didn’t know about me, none of it good. Then there was the fact that we had nothing in common. I couldn’t begin to imagine what we’d talk about over dinner, and the date could easily end up all kinds of awkward. But I’d said yes, so I’d have to see it through, no matter how anxious it made me.

  When the slow song ended, I pulled out my phone and we exchanged numbers. After I texted him my address, I leaned in and yelled, so he’d hear me over the pulsating dance music, “I’ll talk to you later, okay? I need to step away for a little while.” That sounded stupid, but it was the truth.

  He smiled and yelled, “Absolutely. Thanks for the dance, and for agreeing to go out with me,” then went in for a hug. I returned it quickly and awkwardly before heading into the house.

  A big buffet had been set up in the living room, and it was very popular. Even though I was hungry, I just grabbed a couple easy-to-reach appetizers from the end of the table, rather than trying to weave through the crowd. Then, for lack of a better idea, I went upstairs.

  All the doors on the second floor were closed, except for the bathroom. I knew I couldn’t hide out in there, since people would need it. A ladder in the hallway led to an open trap door in the ceiling, and I was desperate enough for a little quiet time to climb up and investigate.

  When I poked my head into the attic, I found it had been converted to a bedroom, probably Kai’s, judging by the posters of muscle cars on the sharply slanted walls. Someone behind me said, “What took you so long?”

  Chapter Two

  The voice
startled me, but then I chuckled as I climbed into the attic and turned to face Josh. Nana’s great-grandson was sitting cross-legged on a little desk and grinning at me. At every social event I went to with the Dombrusos, the fourteen-year-old and I always managed to find the same out-of-the-way hiding places.

  “I would have been here sooner, but I had to at least pretend to be social for Jessie’s sake.” I pulled the rolling chair back from the desk and dropped onto it, and he turned over his paperback on his lap. There was a framed picture of Kai’s daughter on a dresser beside me, and I took off the lei and draped it over the photo as I added, “I’m actually proud of myself for lasting a couple hours at the reception.”

  Josh’s grin turned into a wide smile, and he pushed his dark, shaggy hair back from his face. “Dude, the ceremony was thirty-five minutes ago.”

  “No way!” I pulled out my phone and checked the time. He was right. “It felt much longer.”

  “I know what you mean.”

  “Did you see the exploding cake?”

  “I not only saw it,” he said, “I got it on film. It was epic! I already uploaded it to the internet. I figured the party had peaked at that point, so right after that, I went off to find the Recluse Lounge.”

  “Did your friend Emma come to the wedding with you?”

  He shook his head. “She’s on a mandatory family hiking torturefest in northern California and is super bummed about missing this. Unlike me, my bestie lives for big, noisy parties.”

  “That’s weird.”

  “I know.”

  I ate one of the appetizers, which vaguely resembled a tiny quiche, and offered Josh the other, but he said, “No thanks, I ate way too much of my box of cake.” I was going to ask what he meant by that, but then he reached behind him and produced a small cardboard box, lined in plastic wrap. It was half-full of a mound of cake, and a plastic palm tree and a spoon jutted from it. “Nana started running low on bowls. They were kind of small anyway, so I improvised.”