All I Ever Wanted Page 2

  Dante joined us in the kitchen, and Malone said, “Heath and I are going to head back to the station to clean up. I assume that’s a wrap for today.”

  “Definitely,” Dylan said. “I’ll catch up to you guys.” They gave us a wave and headed for the front door.

  I handed forks to my companions and grabbed one for myself, while Dylan and Dante introduced themselves and shook hands. Then the three of us gathered around the kitchen island and the bowl of coleslaw, and Dylan asked, “Why does Nana carry an air horn in her purse?”

  Dante replied, “Because I won’t let her carry a .44 Magnum.”

  As the firefighter tried to make sense of that, I sampled the coleslaw, which proved to be freakishly delicious. I hadn’t been paying attention while Malone was putting the dish together because I’d figured slaw was slaw, but this was a recipe worth remembering. So as I ate, I analyzed what I was tasting and made a mental note of the more unusual ingredients, like buttermilk and a hint of brown sugar. I’d been surprised when I’d learned most people couldn’t pick out individual ingredients in what they were eating, the way I could.

  “Okay…but why an air horn?” Dylan was saying.

  “As you probably guessed by the rainbow painted on the front of the house and the matching limo in the driveway, my grandmother is a huge advocate of gay rights. Whenever she encounters a bigot, she totally goes off on them. She started carrying an air horn as a way of shutting up smallminded homophobes who are dumb enough to get into an argument with her.” Dante popped some coleslaw in his mouth while I went in for another heaping forkful.

  “So, she uses it to yell at them?”

  Dante nodded. “Sometimes, she even chases them down the street with it.”

  Dylan grinned and said, “Your grandmother kicks ass.”

  “Yup. Just like this crack slaw. What the hell’s in it?” Dante ate another bite.

  “About twenty ingredients. It’s my buddy Malone’s recipe, and I think your grandmother got it on film today, sometime between the fireball and the crap-based re-creation of a Hitchcock film.”

  Dylan shoveled some slaw into his mouth and rolled his eyes with pleasure as Dante sat up and asked, “What fireball?”

  “Nana got a bit overzealous with the lighter fluid and her new grill,” I explained. “Fortunately, she was dressed in firefighting gear at the time, so she’s totally fine. Everyone else is, too.”

  Dante sighed and pushed his thick, black hair off his forehead. “I knew she’d find a way to make grilling an adventure sport.”

  A moment later, Ollie stuck his dripping head through the back door and called, “We’re taking the kids in the limo and making a drive-through run, since lunch went kaput! You fellas want anything?”

  We all declined, and Dante asked, “Who’s driving you?”

  “Darwin,” Ollie told him. “He’s been practicing driving the limo for the last month, and he’s real good at it.”

  “He’s also nineteen,” Dante pointed out.

  “Don’t be ageist! You know he’s one of the most responsible people you’ll ever meet.”

  Dante considered that for a moment, then said, “You’re right. Have fun, and on second thought, bring me back some fries.” Ollie flashed a thumbs-up before ducking back outside.

  Dylan got up and put his fork in the sink before saying, “I should get back to the station. Great meeting you both. River, I’ll see you Saturday.”

  “Looking forward to it.” I watched him go, and when the front door closed behind him, I turned to Dante. He had a big grin on his face, and I said, “What?”

  “You have a date! That’s terrific. I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to get back out there.”

  “I guess it’s time.”

  “You don’t sound very enthusiastic.”

  “I’m trying to be.”

  Dante watched me for a moment before saying, “You’re not over Cole, are you?”

  I shook my head and admitted, “I’ve started to think I’ll never get over him. Maybe this is just my new normal, going through life feeling like a piece of me is missing.”

  Dante took off his suit jacket and tossed it onto a barstool, then rolled back the sleeves of his grey shirt as he said, “If you still feel like that, instead of dating, maybe you should be talking to your ex-boyfriend and trying to work things out.”

  “That’s not an option.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because our relationship failed miserably. You know that expression, the best predictor of the future is the past? I already know what would happen if Cole and I tried again.”

  “If you say so.”

  I pointed at the slaw and asked, “Do you want any more of this?”

  “I want to polish off the whole damn thing, so please put it away. I hate to imagine what eating five pounds of cabbage would do to me.”

  I found some plastic wrap and covered the bowl, and as I carried it to the refrigerator, I asked, “Did you come by for Nana’s cooking show? If so, you missed all the action.”

  While we were talking, Jayden stepped into the adjacent sun porch and took off his wet sneakers. He was a quiet African-American kid of about fifteen who wore his hair in short dreads, and he shook his head and sent water droplets flying as Dante said, “Actually, I brought some stuff for tonight. My brother Mike’s sons are spending the night, so he can attend Hunter and Brian’s anniversary celebration. You’re catering the party, aren’t you?” I nodded, and he said, “Nana never does anything halfway, as you know, so she has a big evening planned for the kids and her teen crew.”

  Jayden came into the kitchen and asked Dante, “What kind of stuff did you bring?”

  “A portable screen and a projector so you guys can watch movies outside,” Dante told him, “and a big bounce house. Nana wanted me to rent one, but that seemed kind of dicey. Who knows how many kids have puked, peed, or left greasy sweat marks in those things?”

  I shuddered a bit and said, “That’s nasty.”

  “It is! That’s why I went out and bought a brand new one,” Dante said. “It seemed like a good idea to bring it over here early and figure out how to set it up.”

  “I can help if you want,” Jayden offered shyly. “I’m good at reading directions. I just need to go upstairs and change first, because these wet jeans feel gross. That’s why I didn’t go along on the fast food run.”

  “Thanks for the offer, Jayden. I’d love your help.” The boy grinned a little and hurried from the room. When the kid was out of earshot, Dante said, “I’m glad he’s talking to me now. I was beginning to wonder if it’d ever happen.” Since Dante was six-foot-four and solid muscle, I could see how he’d be a bit intimidating.

  “I’m sure trust doesn’t come easily, not after everything he’s been through.” When Jayden’s parents found out he was gay, they threw him out of the house with nothing but the clothes on his back. Joely made the decision to go with him, so he could take care of his kid brother. They’d been living on the street for almost a year when Nana found them. Their story broke my heart. It always made me think about my younger brother Skye and how vulnerable he’d been as a teenager.

  I could tell it got to Dante, too. He was the oldest of four brothers, and they’d lost their parents at an early age. After that, he’d stepped into a caretaker role, so it was no wonder Jayden and Joely’s story resonated with him, just like it did with me. He fidgeted with his fork as he said, “My husband and I have been talking about adopting for a while now. We’d been saying we wanted to find a kid who’s maybe two or three years old. But lately I’ve been thinking, what if we adopted those two brothers? That way, they’d always be able to stay together.”

  “That’s a great idea!”

  “Is it? We don’t know a thing about raising teenagers, and while Jayden is finally warming up to me a bit, Joely treats me like I’m the enemy.”

  “So, prove to him you’re not.”

  Dante nodded, but then he said, “The
other issue is that Joely is eighteen and Charlie’s only in his mid-twenties. Isn’t that kind of weird?”

  “Okay, first of all, I’m all about weird. Second, those kids don’t need a traditional family. They had that, and look how it turned out. They just need people who love and care about them. You and your husband would provide a wonderful home for those kids and give them all the love and support they needed.”

  After a pause, Dante admitted, “I guess I’m also questioning whether I’m ready for this.”

  “How could you doubt it? You’ve always taken care of your brothers, and Nana, and everyone else.”

  “But this feels different. We’re talking about fatherhood here. That’s huge.”

  “I don’t know if anyone’s ever truly ready for parenthood. No matter how prepared you think you are, you’re going to make mistakes. It’s unavoidable. But as long as you love your kids unconditionally and try your damnedest to do right by them, they’re going to turn out fine.”

  “Wise words.”

  I grinned at him and said, “Thanks. I try.”

  He put the fork down and was quiet for a moment before saying, “I guess I need to do some soul searching and keep talking it through with my husband. But he believes I can do anything, so he’s not exactly impartial.”

  “I love the way you two support each other. It’s such an enviable relationship.”

  I must have sounded a little too wistful when I said that, because Dante’s expression turned sympathetic, and he said, “I hope it works out with you and the fireman. He seems like a nice guy.”

  “He does. I’m going to try to be optimistic.” I pulled out my phone to check the time, then said, “I’d better go, I have an appointment. Next time you see me, I’ll be River 2.0. I’m attempting a bit of a makeover this afternoon.”

  “What prompted that?”

  “I’ve just been in such a rut lately. Not that I expect some new clothes and a haircut to magically get my stalled-out life in gear, but it’s gotta be better than sitting around wishing things would change.”

  “It sounds like a good place to start. And hey, if today’s all about making changes, maybe meeting Dylan was perfect timing.”

  “I think that’s part of the reason I agreed to go out with him. What better way to shake things up than with a hot firefighter?” Jayden came back into the kitchen dressed in a dry T-shirt and jeans, and I said, “Alright guys, see you later. Good luck with the bounce house.”

  “We got this,” the kid said. “I know right where we should put it, too. Come on, Dante, I’ll show you.” I grinned at the two of them, and as they returned to the backyard, I headed for the front door. I could easily picture them as father and son, and I was glad they’d have a chance to bond that afternoon.

  As for me, I needed to get busy kicking inertia’s ass.

  Chapter Two

  “Who are you, and what have you done with River Flynn-Hernandez?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Oh, you know.” My brother swung his arm to gesture at me from head to toe. “Were you jumped by a band of rogue televangelists on the way over here?”

  “That’s it, I’m losing the sport coat.” I took off my jacket and threw it onto the back of a chair.

  “Sport coat, good God! I never thought I’d hear you say those words. Since when do you even own such a thing? Or a shirt with buttons, for that matter?”

  “Since three o’clock today.”

  “When you were suddenly abducted, Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style, and replaced with a tweed-loving replicant?”

  “You don’t even know what tweed is, do you?” Skye shook his head, and I pointed at the jacket and told him, “Here’s a hint, it’s not that.”

  “Whatever. Why would you spend a bunch of money on an outfit that makes you look like the news anchor for a local TV station?”

  “It’s all from that awesome thrift shop on Divisadero, but I’m glad you think it looks expensive.” I brushed a speck of lint from my black pants before rolling back my shirtsleeves.

  “The clothes aren’t even the weirdest part. Where’s your hair?”

  “Funny you should put it that way. There was a creepy guy sweeping up at the barbershop this afternoon, and I saw him stroking my hair after he picked it up off the floor. If it’s now taped to an inflatable sex doll named Justine, I really don’t want to know about it.”

  “Justine?”

  “Well, what else would you name an inflatable sex doll?”

  “Mine would be named Thor, since it’d be a dude.”

  I grinned at that and said, “I choose to believe the hair stroker is straight, because I don’t want to claim him for our team.”

  “You colored your hair too, didn’t you? You should have just asked me to do it. I could have saved you a lot of money.”

  “No, I didn’t color it. The ends were just really bleached out from all the time I spend surfing, so it looks a lot darker now that they’re gone.”

  Skye was still completely staring at me, and I sighed and turned my attention to making the buffet between us look good. I’d known the change would be a lot for my blue-haired, nonconformist brother to process, but I’d underestimated just how much jaw-dropping would be involved. A few party guests glanced over at us when he exclaimed, “I just don’t see how you could just cut it off! You’ve always had long hair, literally always!”

  “It’s not all that short now, and I like this cut. The stylist listened to me when I said I didn’t want it to be too corporate-looking.”

  “But you must have cut off ten or twelve inches!”

  “About that. The change was way overdue.”

  “You don’t look like yourself anymore.”

  “Good.”

  Skye wasn’t done yet. “What gives? Why the sudden makeover?”

  “Lots of reasons. For one thing, I’m almost thirty and as you just pointed out, I’d been sporting the same look since I was a kid.”

  “River, you’re twenty-seven.”

  “Like I said, almost thirty. I also decided I should try to seem more professional for the sake of my business. Nobody wants to hire a caterer who looks like he just tumbled out of the back of a van in a cloud of pot smoke.”

  “What are you talking about? You get plenty of work.” He swung his hair out of his eyes and indicated the buffet table to make his point.

  “Hunter and Brian asked me to cater their anniversary party because they know me. That’s pretty much the only work I get, friends or sometimes friends of friends, but I need to branch out if I expect to stay in business. I interviewed for two weddings last week and didn’t get either job. I know that wasn’t because of my food.”

  Skye said, “It’s their loss, and you don’t need them anyway. You’re going to kill it at that big, fancy wedding in the Napa Valley next weekend, and just watch. I bet a lot of people will want to hire you when they taste your delicious food. You’ll probably end up booked solid for the next year.”

  “I wish.”

  “Plus, that Napa gig should tell you something,” my brother continued. “They didn’t care that you had long hair or dressed in board shorts when they gave you the job.”

  “They only hired me because the groom and I go way back. You know Conrad and I were even roommates for a while when he was still in law school.”

  “That’s not enough of a reason to hire someone to cater your wedding. He and his fiancé obviously love what you do!”

  “Again though, if they didn’t already know me, they probably would have taken one look at me and written me off. So would their guests. I’m already going to completely fail to fit in with that hoity-toity crowd. I don’t need to compound it by looking like…well, me.”

  “Since when do you care what people think?”

  “I don’t.”

  “That’s not what it sounds like.”

  I shot my brother a look and said, “You know this conversation isn’t going to magically make my hair
grow back, right? And I’m not going to tear away this outfit like a stripper to reveal a Santa Cruz Surfboards T-shirt and cargo shorts, so you might as well let it go.”

  “I don’t mean to keep harping on this, it just caught me off guard. The last thing I expected when I walked into the party was to see you with that generic haircut and outfit.” Trevor, my friend and coworker, cut through the crowd carrying a tray of lettuce wraps just then and pretended to look offended as he raised an eyebrow at Skye. Without meaning to, we’d dressed alike in black pants and blue dress shirts that were only a couple shades off from one another, and Trevor’s dark hair was just a little shorter than mine. Skye blurted, “I didn’t mean it like that, T. You’re totally rocking the preppy thing. I just meant it’s not River. Like, at all.”

  Trevor made room for the tray on the table as he said, “I was surprised by the transformation, too.” He turned to me and added, “I don’t buy the ‘I did it for the business’ excuse, either. You looked perfectly presentable at those interviews last week.”

  “And yet somehow, my super sweet man bun and worn-out khakis didn’t seem to instill those potential customers with enough confidence to hire us.”

  Skye said, “Trevor’s right though, it sounds like you’re making excuses. What’s really going on with you, River?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe I just got sick of the inertia.”

  “Huh?”

  I glanced at my companions, then directed my gaze to the buffet as I admitted, “I got to thinking about the last time we catered a party for this couple. It was three years ago, and I was just starting out in my career. You and I both were, Trevor. It was our second job ever, and Hunter and Brian had just begun dating. Now here we are again, but this time, it’s their wedding anniversary. And look at Skye. My kid brother’s married now too, and he also graduated from art school and is the most talented sculptor I’ve ever seen.

  “As for you, T, I know you remember that party three years ago, because you spent it staring at a handsome stranger across the room. You’ve been doing the same thing today, with the same guy, except now he’s your husband and the two of you have a beautiful home and three kids! As if that wasn’t enough, you also spent the last couple years apprenticing with a world-class chef and could totally be running your own five-star restaurant if you wanted to. The only reason you chose to come back to this is because it’s part-time, and restaurant work meant missing too many evenings with your family.